My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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