when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
