It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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