Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
