Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
