I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
