her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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