I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
