If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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