so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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