so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
