I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
