Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
