Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
A bitchslap is in order.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
