some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
