i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
