is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He passed out mid-signature
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
