Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
