what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
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