Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Randomize
