just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Randomize
