ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
