Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
