This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
