found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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