I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
