She went from zero to smokin in five shots
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
