This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
