Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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