If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
