Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
