In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
