Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
His hands were made for my vagina.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
