if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
