sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
My penis needs a shock collar
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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