Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
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