weddingsv make me drug and hornr
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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