I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
