I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
