There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
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