both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
