Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
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