I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
