My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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