I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
