HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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