just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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