I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
