One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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