wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
