i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
