I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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