there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
