I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
