tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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