using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
