I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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