we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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